


just a little kiss (before we say good night)

by bukangliwayway



Category: NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kinda, M/M, i lied it's non-soulmate au, that's it that's the fic, they're gay and tragic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 19:37:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13841592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bukangliwayway/pseuds/bukangliwayway
Summary: A pause. The candle burns bright.“The fire eventually dies down. And takes the soul with it.”





	just a little kiss (before we say good night)

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i'm gonna start with a bunch of warnings. this isn't as heavy as it appears to be, but there could be some triggering materials, so please tread carefully through this with me.
> 
> warnings: character death (all minor and (implied) major character deaths are not explicitly written, but they had to be done) and physical pain (again, not explicitly written and there would be 0 visible marks or blood!) (whispers this is also Very Much Unbeta-d so i'm very sorry for errors)
> 
> the story jumps twice at the beginning and once at the end but aside from that the story goes chronologically!
> 
> the title is taken from richard siken's meanwhile.
> 
> and my loves, please support sirius rises! the mods have been working so hard and it's only been amazing from the start <3

 

_do you remember what you said to me that day, long before we knew what we would be, before you whispered my name to me, raw and tender, like it hurt you to say it._

  
_you told me you were the bravest when you’re in love so don’t you dare stand there and tell me you’re afraid._

_Lang Leav_

 

_winter, january 2019. seoul._

Ong Seongwu has had his heart constantly, in different degrees of intensity, on fire for the past two years, but he thinks he really starts giving up on a day that shouldn’t hurt as much as it does.

 

The winter is unforgiving, bestowing upon them a kind of freeze that came in the form of sleet and a sense of dread often related to endings. He watches what he can of the storm outside from his position on the floor of their empty dorm, _too empty, too quiet,_ Seongwu thinks, his fingers carefully threading through his boyfriend’s fringe. It is the last stretch of their time as Wanna One, having attended all the award shows and stray activities scattered throughout the latter half of the winter. Seongwu twists his ring as he looks down at his lap where Minhyun is resting. He finds a set of eyes staring up at him, an abyss that always somehow manages to pull him in everytime. “Penny for your thoughts?”

 

Minhyun grabs his hand and presses it to his mouth.

“You have to forget.”

Seongwu’s heart stills.

“What?”

Minhyun sits up beside him and reaches to gently trace the dots on his cheek, _one, two, three,_ leaving a trail of heat that seeps into his skin.

And then he smiles, eyes boring into Seongwu’s as if both of their lungs aren’t burning.

“ _Me,_ you idiot.” Outside, the storm howls in response to the roaring inside Seongwu. “You have to forget me. That is the cure.”

He blinks away, still smiling, trying to appear strong for them and Seongwu marvels at how Hwang Minhyun manages to emit a pretty glow even in misery, at how Hwang Minhyun consistently strikes him dumbfounded, at how Hwang Minhyun holds Seongwu’s heart in his hands, lights it on fire and makes Seongwu swallow it again.

Then, Seongwu is gasping a laugh, the type that is more sad than amused, more painful, more excruciating especially with Minhyun looking at him like _that_ , “Isn’t it a little too late for that, Minhyunie,” he whispers as he grabs the other’s hand to run across his chest.

He can physically feel his soul, poor little _fuck_ , hissing and licking at his ribcage. “See, my soul hates you. Says you’re going to be the death of me.”

 

Minhyun doesn’t laugh. Seongwu smiles easily as he sweeps Minhyun’s hair away from his eyes.

 

“Well, it’s not _wrong_?”

Minhyun squeezes his eyes shut, letting out a teary chuckle that shakes in a way that Seongwu knows isn’t caused by the cold, “Shut up,” a tear falls, “Shut up, Ong,” and _another_ , “Seongwu, you..” and _another,_ “You have to _live,_ Seongwu,” Minhyun opens his eyes, so full of sorrow and desperation and a strange light behind them; the fire inside Minhyun makes its existence known to Seongwu like the many times it did before. “ _Please_.”

 

Seongwu reaches to wipe at Minhyun’s face, mapping his fingers at the high of Minhyun’s cheeks, at Minhyun’s nose, at Minhyun’s lips, at the slanted shape of Minhyun’s shut eyelids, at Minhyun, Minhyun, _Minhyun._

 

He leans in to press his lips at Minhyun’s shaking ones and feels their fires touch.

 

* * *

 

_summer, august 2001. busan._

 

Minhyun adjusts himself to a comfortable position at his dad’s lap. He giggles softly as his dad presents him with gift-wrapped box with a card that says “ _happy birthday, minhyunie! - love, your favorite aunt”_ ; the smile his dad gives him makes Minhyun’s chest ache in a way that his young, six-year old mind cannot interpret beyond the word _sad_. Minhyun glances at his older sister as she shuffles to sit beside them and stare blankly at the box resting in Minhyun’s tiny arms.

 

He pouts and pokes her cheek, “Why are you guys so sad? It’s my birthday…”

 

Sujin takes his hand and turns to their father, “Dad,” she sniffs, “did aunt... die?”

 

Minhyun drops the box.

 

“D-die?” He turns to look at his father, eyes brimming with unshed tears as he pats Minhyun on the head and puts him down beside Sujin. “What does that _mean_ ? Where is she?” Minhyun starts tearing up when Sujin starts crying. Their father crouches down in front of his children. “ _Dad_?”

 

His father wipes his sister’s tears, takes one hand of each of them, leads and carefully sits them at the dining table. He turns to get something from the kitchen drawer, “Sujinnie, how much do you know about soulmates?” Both children fail to notice the tremble at his voice.

 

Minhyun puts the box down and tugs at Sujin’s hand with a frown. He is still confused and upset and his favorite aunt is still missing but his sister is crying. His sister shouldn’t ever cry. Minhyun hates anyone who makes her cry.

 

Sujin takes a few moments to calm down and squeezes Minhyun’s hand, “Soulmates... our teacher said that if two people are soulmates… they are fated to be with each other. Like you and mom.”

 

Their father returns with a lighter, a candle, and the softest of smiles Minhyun has ever seen on him. But his eyes are funny. They’re wet and they look heavy. Minhyun decides he doesn’t like funny eyes on his dad’s face.

 

“What happens when people are fated to be with each other?”

 

Sujin’s eyes are bright when she answers, “They... fall in love?”

 

Their dad pinches her cheek, “That’s right, cupcake.”

 

Minhyun stares at the candle and pouts at his father, “Where’s my aunt?”

 

Their father takes a deep breath and lights the candle. _Pretty,_ Minhyun thinks, almost tempted to touch the small flame.

 

“It feels amazing when you fall in love with your soulmate,” their father starts, “I should know, I’m very happy with your mother.” A smile appears.

 

Minhyun watches as that very smile drops as their father turns to look at the candle. “However, something very bad happens when a person falls in love with someone who is not their soulmate.” He gestures at the flame.

 

Minhyun frowns, confused, when Sujin gasps, “Fire?”

 

“Fire.” Their father nods, “The soul catches fire. That is what happened to your aunt.”

 

Minhyun blinks once. Twice. He feels heat prickle at the back of his eyes. “Catches… fire? Aunt caught on fire?”

 

“Her soul,” his sister whispers beside him, dazed.

 

“Then why did she die?” Minhyun bursts into tears. It’s his birthday. His aunt is dead. Gone, forever.

 

Their dad closes his eyes, burdened that he has to inform his children the news of how his sister died, but they have to learn what happened. He gathers Minhyun in his arms and tucks him underneath his chin. “Souls… The fire… The fire is impatient, Minhyunie. It does not wait for you.”

 

A pause. The candle burns bright.

 

“The fire eventually dies down. And takes the soul with it.”

 

* * *

 

_winter, february 2017. paju._

 

Snow settles calmly, leaving a pretty layer of frost and a slow, muffled silence that engulfs their group. Beside Minhyun, Minki bounces his leg in nervousness, a habit that they all picked  up from Aron hyung sometime during the near decade they have been living together. He lays a hand on Minki’s knee to steady his leg and tries to smile. “We’re fine, Minki. We’ll be fine.”

 

If Minki notices Dongho tensing up or Jonghyun curling further towards himself at his seat, he doesn’t acknowledge it and indulges Minhyun instead with a trained smirk, a rarity when the five of them are alone by themselves.

 

Minhyun tilts his head at Minki’s obvious acting, but the younger shakes his head and smiles wider.

 

“Of course, Minhyunie. We’re fine.”

 

* * *

 

Except they aren’t.

 

Their audition didn’t satisfy the judges (Kahi _noona_ , tearing up at the sight of them: failed idols whose bright edges have started to flicker and threatens to silently fade out), neither did them (Dongho, head bowing down, voice trembling to a crack) nor the ninety seven trainees watching (young, _young_ Samuel, who has eyes of someone way beyond his age, warily watching them as if they didn’t spend their youth flipping the kid everywhere in the practice rooms).

 

Minhyun ends up in C class.

 

A reevaluation happens that drops him one class down and drags Minki away to F.

 

Minhyun closes his eyes and fiddles with the sleeve of his green jumper; the image of Jonghyun’s defeated figure burns at the back of his eyelids and slots itself upon the bottom of his stomach.

 

* * *

 

_spring, april 2017. paju._

 

Minhyun meets Ong Seongwu (handsome face, practiced smile, guarded eyes) during the winter, another face in the sea of trainees who whispered accusingly at NU’EST and who Minhyun tried hard not to resent. After all they _are_ five-year seasoned idols, swallowing their pride and trying not to think things in a way that involves them snatching an undebuted trainee’s opportunity and slot.

 

He _properly_ meets Seongwu (handsome face, strained smile, tired eyes) during the blossom of spring in the late hours of the night, breaths heavy as they rest their tired backs against the foggy glass of the practice room.

 

“Minhyun?”

 

He hums in reply, eyes closing as he basks in the silence of the practice room free of Daniel’s easy laughter, of Jaehwan’s endless vocal practice, anxiety tethering the fringes of his voice, of Hyunbin’s struggles with his transition into the hard life of an idol trainee, of Jonghyun’s loud, _loud_ thoughts.

 

When Seongwu doesn’t speak, Minhyun turns his head slightly and cracks an eye open to look at Seongwu.

 

The other man - _boy_ , Minhyun’s mind supplies, they’re of the same age and no matter how old their eyes seem to appear, there will  always be remnants of the children that lived with them instead of growing up  - has his gaze trained to the floor, mouth parted as if contemplating with what he wants to say and settles for a quiet “Why did you do it?”

 

“Do what?”

 

Seongwu gathers his knees to his chest, looking smaller than Minhyun has ever seen him. “This.. This entire thing. Produce 101. Going back to being trainees. In trainee years, we’re all your juniors for more than five years.”

 

Minhyun thinks about the time he had spent with NU’EST, about the shared dream they each took a piece of and wore around their necks to keep close to their hearts. He thinks of the stage that shone magnificently more than anything Minhyun has seen, resembling an odd kind of home to Minhyun and his members, his _family_. He thinks of the trainees he met in Produce 101, each one of them running towards the same goal, a small space intended for eleven people and eleven people, alone. He thinks of Seongwu, who has regarded the lot of them with muted animosity but manages to make things work for him without trampling on any of them.

 

Minhyun takes a deep breath. “ _Love_.”

Seongwu snorts.

Minhyun rolls his eyes and sighs, “No, really.” He chuckles when Seongwu glances at him from the corner of his eye. “When you’re holding onto not only your dream but also onto the dreams of four other people, it’s easier to get over yourself and start pushing for them. Your dreams appear clearer.”

 

“You have no sense of self-preservation.”

 

“There’d be so little left, Seongwu.”

 

Seongwu stares at him, shock and confusion painting his features, as Minhyun closes his eyes again, “I don’t even remember who I was before NU’EST. I love them. I love myself better when I’m with them.” _Love. It makes me a better person,_ hangs heavy in the air, unspoken, like different kinds of reassurance for both of them. And Minhyun, in a way, knows that Seongwu understands.

 

Minhyun leans back to his original position when Seongwu, with the lowest voice Minhyun couldn’t have possibly caught had they not have been alone, “I thought it was unfair, you know.”

 

Minhyun tenses, but Seongwu looks at him in a long, searching look, gaze softening into something akin to admiration and a hint of tenderness. He smiles despite himself, “I know.”

 

“But you’re not bad, Hwang Minhyun.”

 

He grins.

 

“Thank you, Seongwu.”

 

* * *

 

 

Seongwu turns out to be a very good friend once he opens up, sharing snickers with him and Daniel when they make fun of Jaehwan in the middle of the stress building up towards the performances. They all collectively dote on Hyunbin, and when Jonghyun laughs at their youngest’s face instead of helping him when he gets force-cuddled by his hyungs, Minhyun knows he picked a good team.

 

They safely finish their performance; one that would truly count as _legendary_ , Minhyun hears Jonghyun’s hopeful voice in his head.

 

It’s spring when things finally look up for them. They’re finally getting good response and Minhyun thinks he’s also gained a few more people as Seongwu laughs in happiness at the small screen with an arm around him, an odd warmth rooting itself upon  his heart. Minhyun doesn’t think he hates it.

 

He falls back into life as a trainee and watches in mild amazement as he, his friends and a lot others take South Korea by storm.

 

They’re eating at the cafeteria when Jaehwan plops down beside them with Daniel in tow, wearing an amused grin that would have fooled anyone except the members of their temporary team.

 

Minhyun raises a brow.

 

“Guess who found their soulmate in _fucking_ Produce 101.”

 

Minhyun pauses. Jonghyun looks up at him in alarm.

 

_Where’s my aunt?_

 

“Park Jihoon.”

 

Hyunbin chuckles, “Wink boy, huh?”

 

_Fire?_

 

Minhyun grips his spoon tightly in an attempt to prevent himself from shaking. Seongwu frowns beside him and grabs his hand, “Minhyun?”

 

 _Fire?_ Minhyun’s gaze travel from Seongwu to their joined hands.

 

“Yeah,” Daniel smiles fondly, “We heard it’s Woojin.”

 

_Fire?_

 

“Minhyun?”

 

_Fire._

 

Minhyun lets go of his spoon and stands up. He immediately smiles in reassurance at the worried faces of his friends, pinning Jonghyun with a look before slipping away with a casual _I’ll see you guys later._

 

Seongwu’s gaze follows Minhyun’s retreating back, noting how unusually worried Jonghyun appears while looking over his friend.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, as the daybreak basks them in a pretty orange, Seongwu discovers Minhyun outside their dorms, observing as nature slowly blossoms in preparation for the day. They don’t room together anymore, and it isn’t natural in his character to wake up this early, but something pulled him out of bed and the dorm that morning and _really_ , he isn’t even surprised to find Minhyun at the exact place he chose to head to.

 

He approaches Minhyun, heart beating in a strange rhythm he’s unfamiliar with, “Can I sit?”

 

Minhyun looks up at him, the faint early morning light casting shadows across his sharp features, and smiles at him, one part ethereal and another part painful, “Of course.”

 

Seongwu has to remind himself to breathe.

 

Minhyun goes back to staring into space, and Seongwu ponders about how much things can change in a span of a month, about how a person could change _him_ so much in that short amount of time. He smiles softly, appreciating the way the glow falls on Minhyun’s pretty face; it isn’t perfect, but like everything about Minhyun it exudes a kind of otherworldly aura that either comes at him in gentle waves or hits him all at once.

 

He flinches as he feels a tiny graze at his chest. _What was that?_

 

“Do you believe in soulmates, Seongwu?”

 

Seongwu blinks away. “I- Of course.” He answers, unsure of where Minhyun is leading the conversation to. “Didn’t we learn about a pair yesterday? Jihoonie? Woojinie?”

 

Minhyun’s smile is sad when he replies, “Do you know what happens when you fall in love with the wrong person?”

 

In the sky, a cloud shifts. The sunlight disappears for a moment. Minhyun turns to look at Seongwu, a hand on his chest, “Your soul - ”

 

Seongwu freezes.

 

“Ignites.” Minhyun whispers.

 

Seongwu’s hand reaches to rest at his own chest. He feels the flame flare a bit in response.

 

* * *

 

 

Seongwu doesn’t know what prompted it, maybe it’s because they’re kind of in love, or maybe the fact that they would probably ( _ultimately_ , Seongwu corrects himself) perish because of it but both Minhyun and he go out of their ways to avoid each other.

 

It doesn’t work.

 

Life is cruel and apparently hates Seongwu. Concept evaluation comes and he can’t do anything but curse under his breath when Minhyun enters Never room.

 

Minhyun pauses to look disbelievingly at the only empty spot in the room beside Seongwu.

 

Seongwu looks away when Minhyun approaches him; hand twitching in his need to ease the hot pain touching his bones. Minhyun makes sure to not let their knees touch.

 

(Jonghyun eyes them oddly and exchanges a glance with Jaehwan. Neither Minhyun nor Seongwu notices the silent conversation.)

 

* * *

 

 

_“The cure is to forget.”_

 

Minhyun glares at his phone, tossing it to his bed with more force than he usually does. He hears Dongho sigh from the door, “Okay, speak up. What is it?”

 

Minhyun throws an arm across his eyes, “What?”

 

He doesn’t immediately get a reply but is instead granted with a grown man jumping at him. Minhyun yelps, “Are you trying to break my legs?” He shoves Dongho away.

 

“Do I have to? Maybe then, you’ll answer my questions like a proper person would.”

 

“I’m your center.”

 

“Your point? We have Minki.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“This is about Seongwu, isn’t it?”

 

Minhyun closes his eyes. Dongho must have learned it from Jonghyun. He waits, patient as always, when it comes to the most important things. Minhyun thinks he has an inkling of what has been happening; he and Seongwu wormed their way into each other’s lives so quickly, so naturally -

 

“Is he your soulmate?”

 

Minhyun can’t help the bitter chuckle that bubbles from his throat, exactly from where his goddamned soul is. _Of course_ , Minhyun has always recoiled from the soulmate talk since they were children; the ghosts of what happened to his aunt made Minhyun repulsive from the idea.

 

Maybe, he shouldn’t have challenged fate.

 

“Minhyunie?”

 

Minhyun sits up and gathers his knees to his chest, stretching his arms to get his discarded phone. He hands it to his best friend.

 

He buries his head in his arms when Seongwu enters the room the exact same time Dongho whispers “You’re _what_?” in horror.

 

“Uh…” He hears Seongwu awkwardly mumble; an emotion closely resembling endearment spreads through his chest. _Goddammit_ , Minhyun thinks as the heat takes over to swelter at his insides, budding from the center of his chest down to his fingertips. It’s usually bearable, but there are times when he would be overwhelmed by it. “Am I... interrupting something?”

 

He looks up to see Dongho staring at Seongwu in disbelief. “You -”

 

Minhyun kicks him in the shin. Dongho glares at him before it softens when he sees the expression on Minhyun’s face. “You’re such an idiot, Minhyun,” he sighs as he gets off of Minhyun’s bunk. “We’ll talk later, okay?” Dongho grabs his hand and squeezes it, providing the slightest bit of comfort Minhyun needs.

 

“For now, you should talk about,” Dongho gestures wildly at the both of them, “about… that. Whatever that is,” he says before slipping past Seongwu.

 

And then suddenly they are alone and Minhyun is dizzy with both the emotions and the _pain_ , so he hops down from his bunk in an attempt to leave the room, to leave Seongwu, to leave his feelings where it wouldn’t ever reach him and engulf him whole.

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

Seongwu doesn’t let him.

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

Seongwu catches him by the arm before he slips past the door, flinching when both of their fires react at the same time as soon as skin touches skin.

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

It’s the first time they touch since that morning. It’s painful; Minhyun wishes, as he stops to properly look to Seongwu, that it didn’t, _at least_ , hurt to be with Seongwu.

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

Minhyun doesn’t move, though. He doesn’t move away. Not when Seongwu is looking at him like that, enduring the matching burns they have just to peer into his eyes to convey the thousand unsaid things between them. Not when Seongwu continues to hold onto his arm, as if it’s totally normal and easy to touch a non-soulmate you’re unlucky enough to be in love with.

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

“Minhyun,” Seongwu starts. “Can we.. Can we not do this? I can’t do this anymore.”

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

Minhyun closes his eyes and concentrates on the fire licking at his arm that touches Seongwu’s skin, willing it to answer for him.

 

“You told me love made you better, _stronger_. Minhyun…”

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

The fire travels throughout his body, leaving no space for Minhyun and Seongwu.

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

“Don’t you think we should just give it a try? Can’t we stop being afraid?”

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

When Minhyun opens his eyes to look at the man in front of him, he can’t help the happiness that flourishes. It must have showed on his face, because he receives happy laughter in return.

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

Minhyun learns you get used to the pain when Seongwu pulls him into a hug in a brief moment of courage; the both of them breathe heavily down each other’s necks.

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

“How does that feel?” Seongwu’s voice is quiet.

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

Minhyun, heart beating fast as if reprimanding him, closes his arms around Seongwu’s waist.

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

“Okay.”

 

Seongwu chuckles, small sounds filling up Minhyun’s heart, wanting nothing more than to bottle it up and keep it for himself.

 

“Okay?”

 

_The cure is to forget._

 

Minhyun wishes that it didn’t hurt to be with Seongwu. But more than anything, he thinks it hurts more to try and forget about him.

 

“Okay.”

 

* * *

 

_summer, july 2017. seoul._

 

Seongwu drags his feet towards the kitchen, half driven to exhaustion from the non-stop flurry of activity ranging from debut preparations to variety guestings to endorsement shootings. He’s thankful to be part of the final group, _really he is_ , but there’s only so much his body can endure.

 

As if mocking his thoughts, he spots Minhyun wiping the counter, and the smile that blossoms on his face is temporarily stopped by a sharp pain in his chest, “Shut up,” he mutters.

 

Minhyun turns around to look at him, takes a moment to calm himself like Seongwu does and beams at him.

 

Seongwu heads to hug his boyfriend, “Good morning,” pecking Minhyun on the lips and ignoring the hiss he hears in his head.

 

Jaehwan groans from his slumped position the dining table, “It’s too early to be that gross, no offense.”

 

Minhyun grins and kisses Seongwu on the cheek just to spite Jaehwan.

 

* * *

 

_autumn, november 2017. seoul._

 

Minhyun isn’t stupid; he knows Daehwi has not been hanging by their room for the past hour for no reason.

 

He sighs, closes his book and prepares himself for the odd mix of confusion and pity he and Seongwu had been getting since they got into their relationship. “Alright, Daehwi, what is it?” Minhyun smiles, hoping not to intimidate the kid. He just saw first hand how hard it could be for Seongwu and him. It was a particularly rough night; having been away for a few days, Minhyun and Seongwu were both overwhelmed by the emotions and the pain that was brought upon by a few days of separation. When they met, their souls reacted especially repulsive towards each other and burned them hotter when they tried.

 

Daehwi blushes, “Nothing, hyung! It’s.. it’s just that..” he fiddles with the hem of his shirt, “it hurts, doesn’t it?”

 

Minhyun nods, “A lot.”

 

“A lot?”

 

Minhyun puts his book down and hums in contemplation, “Usually, I can tolerate it but sometimes, it’s especially painful.” His eyes widen in realization, “Wait.. are you..”

 

Daehwi smiles at him and shakes his  head. “Don’t worry about me, hyung. I’m just scared for you and Seongwu hyung.” Minhyun wills his tears not to fall, “We all are.”

 

“We’ll be fine,” Minhyun tries to say.

 

“Is Seongwu hyung really worth this much, hyung?”

 

Minhyun smiles and clutches his chest, where the flame sits, “Yeah, well, there is a literal fire to prove it.”

 

* * *

 

_autumn, august 2018. seoul._

 

Seongwu always knew it was coming, but it doesn’t make him feel less upset.

 

 _It’s unfair_ , he thinks as he struggles through his own relationship with Minhyun while watching Jihoon and Woojin flourish with theirs. But he cannot keep feeling hostile about it, because he can see his younger friends looking happy more than anyone. In a way, he relates with them. He is the happiest when he’s with Minhyun; there’s only that one repercussion of their souls burning somewhere inside their systems.

 

Minhyun shifts in his arms, tired beyond normal exhaustion. There’s also another flaw that they’re getting weaker. As time passes by, their fires become less aggressive, less painful. Although that would have been a good news, it also means that there’s not much of their souls left for the flame to capture on. Wanna One even had to adjust choreographies to accommodate the both of them.

 

Seongwu closes his eyes as he remembers Minki’s crying, furious eyes earlier that day when NU’EST and their other friends attended his and Minhyun’s joint birthday party hosted by the company.

 

_“You’re not even giving him back to us,” Minki says through gritted teeth and tears, after seeing Minhyun looking weaker than he has ever been._

 

_Jonghyun holds him back, “That’s enough -”_

 

 _“We went on Produce 101 to save our asses, not to fucking_ die _, Jonghyun! Minhyun is dying!”_

 

Seongwu snaps back into reality when he feels kisses trailing along his jaw. He smiles bitterly; their souls barely react anymore.

 

“Hey,” Minhyun whispers, “You okay?”

 

Seongwu sweeps Minhyun’s hair away from his eyes - the prettiest set of eyes he’s seen, if you ask Seongwu - and kisses his forehead. “Of course.”

 

* * *

_winter, january 2019. busan._

 

Minhyun sways his and Seongwu’s entwined hands as they walk along Haeundae. Busan is beautiful during winter, setting a sense of tranquility surrounding them in the earliest of mornings, the scent of the sea suspended in the air, as if trapped there by time.

 

Later that day, they would have to go back to Seoul to collect their things from the Wanna One dorms. But for now, Seongwu and he are alone, given that it is very early, reminding him of the first time they got themselves into this mess.

 

Seongwu blows at their hands, doing everything to provide heat enough for the both of them, “Hey, it would be really convenient if the little shits inside us act up now, wouldn’t it? We could use some heat,” he smiles easily, despite the tired eyes and even wearier body.

 

Minhyun pinches him lightly before chortling, “Idiot.”

 

Seongwu just grins at him, and he beams back, genuinely thankful that during this entire thing he had at least a short  time to freely feel his love for Seongwu without sacrificing a bit of physical pain.

 

He digs his left hand in his pocket, faces the sea and inhales.

 

“Seongwu-yah…”

 

“Hmm?”

 

Minhyun fiddles with the two rings and decides there really is nothing to lose, now.

 

“Marry me?” He says as he takes out both rings and offers one to Seongwu.

 

He smiles softly at Seongwu, taking in everything his eyes can reach: Seongwu’s large eyes, staring up at him carrying the emotions that Minhyun grew accustomed with, the look that he gives Minhyun like he’s the most important thing in the world, like he’s asking himself if he really deserves Minhyun, like if he tries to look away Minhyun will disappear into nothing.

 

And maybe he will. Maybe they will.

 

So Minhyun takes a deep breath, stares Seongwu directly at the eyes, traces his tiny constellation of moles he’s come to _adore_ , “We are the farthest from the perfect couple,” they both chuckle, “we are so mismatched, our souls try to separate us everytime we try to even _feel_ something for each other. But, Seongwu…”

 

He wipes at the tears that accumulated in Seongwu’s eyes, “I love you. So much. I’ll love you during this life, and the next, and the next after that… even if we’re still not fated, even if my soul still pulls me away from you. I’ll love you.”

 

Seongwu nods and whispers, “I know.”

 

Minhyun feels the familiar heat in his chest, but this time it’s not uncomfortable nor painful, but instead consumes his entire being with Seongwu, Seongwu, _Seongwu._ He takes his boyfriend’s hand, slots the ring and kisses right at it.

 

Seongwu takes the other ring from him, places it on his ring finger and kisses him on the mouth, “I love you, too, Minhyunie. You probably know how much and know that I’ve only been happy during the time when I was with you, and will always be. Thank you,” he sniffs, “For taking this risk with me. For being brave. For teaching me love. I love you.”

 

Minhyun smiles through his tears, and leans in to kiss Seongwu and for once, for that one second, their souls betray themselves and rejoice with them.

 

* * *

 

_winter, january 2019. seoul._

 

Seongwu pulls away and leads Minhyun towards one of the beds, placing his boyfriend carefully on the sheets.

 

“Seongwu…please,” Minhyun weakly rasps.

 

“Shhhh,”  he interrupts, “Minhyunie it’s too late." Minhyun frowns. He pokes the space between Minhyun's eyebrows in an attempt to smoothen it, "We’re in this together,” he says as he lays down beside his boyfriend -  _his husband,_ his mind selfishly supplies - feeling the last of the embers flicker.

 

Minhyun stares at him and reaches to peck at his lips, “Okay.”

 

Seongwu smiles, “Okay? Sleep. I love you.”

 

Minhyun slowly places an arm around him, weakly clutching at his shirt, “I love you too. Good night.”

**Author's Note:**

> [hides] i'm truly so fucking sorry for that mess you are free to deck me
> 
> this story is inspired by two prompts: one i'd claimed from the fest and [another](https://twitter.com/dulcetfairytale/status/920366288416907264) i'd heavily based the main plot of this story from. my love kuro... ilu...
> 
> lastly, prompter #21! thank you for the lovely prompt! it gave me a lot of freedom owo ;;; (if you think i played around with it too much, i'm so sorry love xo)


End file.
